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CSS was invented in 1827 by one Clive Staples Shoebridge, who, desperate to find a way of crossing fireflies with the common zucchini, was experimenting with a variety of chemicals, most of which have since been banned or patented by unscrupulous drug barons. Shoebridge sought immortality, firstly by soaking in antifreeze for weeks at a time, and later by sleeping naked under a pyramid made of grape vines, ripened pimentos and bamboo leaves. Eventually, though, he settled for immortalising his name as a TLA.

Not knowing what to do with CSS, his successors, who were initially trustees of his not inconsiderable estate until they found a way of rewriting his dying wishes, decided that the acronym be changed to Clever Stuff until one of them noticed that there weren't enough letters, and so changed it to Cathartic Serial Structures, which made no sense at all. Eventually, mainly because nobody could remember anything about their discussions, especially after several nights indulging in smoking used tea leaves and drinking brake fluid, somebody thought of “Sea Yesses”, which, after the normal process of brainstorming and barnstorming, inevitably led to the “Cascading Style Sheets”. This is an example of Acrimonious Acronyms, or AA for short, but not for long.

Sample Table

How to brew Tea
Tea	Temp	Time	Notes
Green	80°-85°	2-3 min	Unoxidised
Oolong	85°-95°	3-7 min	Slightly Oxidised
Black	96°-100°	3-5 min	Oxidised “Normal Tea”
Tisanes	96°-100°	5-8 min	Not real tea

Sample Picture

This is the Sydney Opera House, in Sydney, but you you might have guessed that. In case it needs to be said, we’re in Sydney Australia, as opposed to Sydney anywhere else in the world.

Officially, the white pointy bits are supposed to be inspired by the sails of sailing boats. Apparently, according to the architect, they’re really inspired by pieces of orange peel. Thankfully, they’re not the same colour.

Starry Night

If you take to wandering outside in the middle of the night and look up, you will probably see the sky. Of course, this doesn’t actually have to be in the middle of the night — the early or late parts of the night will also do. In fact, it even works if you do this in the middle of the day, but the next part doesn’t work so well.

Anyway, in the sky you will see some stars. This is, of course, technically incorrect, as we all know today, and even yesterday. The stars are actually above the sky, since the sky is simply a thin layer between the Earth and the rest of the universe. Actually, you may not actually see any stars. This may be for a number of reasons, such as a cloudy sky, standing under a tree, or you’re actually looking down, which is pretty weird if you’re supposed to be looking up.

Of course it’s also possible that you’re doing none of the above, but still can’t see them because you’re doing all of this in the middle of the day, which, if you read the first paragraph, is the wrong time. In principle, you can still see one star, which is the closest on to the Earth, but you shouldn’t look at it, so you just have to take my word for it.

Spotted Aardvarks

It is not often that one encounters a spotted aardvark, or oryctérope tacheté as they say en français. I myself have rarely encountered one, and some may live their entire lives without meeting more than a handful, if you can ever have a handful of something which is clearly much bigger than an actual hand, unless you consider the hand of someone who is hundreds of metres tall, in which case a handful is quite a considerable number, but that is just getting silly.

Nevertheless, it is as well to be prepared, since one does not want to face the eventuality without the emotional and physical readiness which such an experience requires.

First of all, under no circumstances should you attempt to engage it in conversation. This has less to do with its legendary indifference to idle chatter and more with its deserved reputation for the dullest, most boring and tedious interchange you are likely to encounter without actually meeting its parents.

Secondly, well there is no secondly. The spotted aardvark is notoriously reclusive, mainly because of the universal tendency to avoid being caught up in conversation with, and should you actually chance to come across one, the first piece of advice should suffice, until you manage escape it by drawing its attention to its untied shoelace. Aardvarks, of course, seldom wear shoelaces, due mostly to their lack of shoes, but by the time the aardvark works this one out, you will no doubt have made good your escape …